Women

About one per cent of women can orgasm solely through breast stimulation.
30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends.

Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. (Amazing what one learns in college).

Women are most likely to want to have sex when they are ovulating.

Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be interested in a one-night stand than those with only a Bachelor's degree.

According to Penthouse magazine, more women complain about infrequent sex than men do. Forty percent of women have said they had an orgasm while dreaming about sex. That number is 80% for men.

The frequency with which a woman has orgasms during her sleep actually increases as she ages during her childbearing years.

According to Playboy, more women talk dirty during sex than men

It's been estimated that one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple.

A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex.


Meh~ might as well post women facts up. I have tons more tho. ;)
And I still don't get to use the digest function! What's it for! -.-

Married And Still A Virgin

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

A Dog Named "Sex"

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend
so get yourself a dog.

Wedding Night

The true story of this mistake I relate to you as a reflection with ........ hope you can take lessons ...

Gates on the closing meeting rooms, lights extinguished. MusicKenny G broke the stillness in the room full historical bridal consultant for young couples. Oja look smug while sitting in front of cupboards combing hair I long to shoulder. Soft silk nightwear disarung Oja add more grace her body. Permufe also graced by the gift of marriage .. very beautiful scenery in the bridal room is located at the corner itu.Jun room while watching a beautiful crown belonging to imagine how his wife .... the first time he saw a woman internal .... Bed lamp lit green light I vaguely, air-con and I also run full brighten one's romantic. Oja ogle to June with a smile-proportioned, ball chocolate hazel colored eyes I berkerlipan bak kejora star, her face red and wet like a mirror I disirami water. Colored and smooth look lesung pipit ayuan to add more creatures of God's creation.

Oja put on the table and brush massage-massage neck I feel overwhelmed. "Abang tolong ..... Oja" with liquid spoiled and full of warmth Oja ask for help. "Neck Oja sakitlah" radio lagi.Jun go with the hand I merapati Oja terketar-Jitter, as a man he tried to stop feeling 'nervous' increasingly menggila.Dia regret it because I do not wear the pants, because when I used in this cloth has been reveal 'countours' I very prominent, but not harmfully force already in control again, quant laundry keluar.Jun already raised his hand while standing behind the collar Oja gospel soft.


Slow-Oja land he massaged the neck sometimes hand ... tersasul terurut shoulder. Oja only while staying close matanya.Tangan June increasingly LIGAT Oja.Dengan neck massage and touched his hand to slow him down directly to the chest and shoulders Oja. Oja still silent, he was holding and stroking arm-Wipe June "Abang tolong Oja open zip shirt ni?" Oja speech squeeze fingers while June, June is not saying anything, he only requested by Oja ......... berlonjak merriment in their hearts.

With slow him down zip shirt Oja and body part I look white again menggebu. Oja mengggunung the breast that have not yet touched the stream in June merasmikannya ask. but in June just zip down bajusahaja, he did not want to seem too greedy. Jari Oja jemari June aware that bland is crawling on the body-Stolon June Then cease disatu conference last stick in it .. how if felt to meet with notches revenge now drabble water river that flows belonging to Oja.

When this cloth without realizing it I have already used in tertanggal.Kini tibalah When the anticipated Oja for over 20 years .. Oja instrument has gained momentum in June .. very very aware of the desire described Oja. Oja groan "Ahhhhh !!!.. Abang .. Oja not hold fast !.... ni la bang ...". Heard groaning Oja, June felt like dilambung waves as high as 100 meters above the sea over the Titanic hindi ... Now jemari finger-June has been a drop in a smooth groove .. "Ahhh !!...." Oja screaming when soft fingers touched Abang loved ones during this hidden gem of a small hill ..... dicelah


"Abang ... do not let this desire .... hold Oja Oja .. Arhhh Tongkat native now !!!..." Oja has been flying with gems .... just wait .. June reject into the warm water feels smooth flow of wet natural cane ... Oja pinch because his feet could not hold the desire of revenge ravine which has been wet enough to be corrupted into something laparkan ...


"Tit .... .. tit tit tit ..... tit ..... .... .... tit tit" pager sound broke the night stillness full romantic. "Arghhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!... who stir pulak yg nie?" June complained in his heart. "... Alaahhhh who banggg tu?" Oja is extremely disappointed. "Cepatlah bang, go outside telephone kat tu" Jun quickly rushed out to the living room to me'response'pagernya.

In the living room look and father-in-law I was watching TV, children sedare Oja and uncle-aunt-uncle and aunt Oja also there together. their central talking noise. June obtaining telephone at the corner of the living room and press the number I listed pagernya. While he was pressing the numbers, the situation in the living room I was suddenly silent noise.


Each look towards June June turn towards them surprised .... he tried to smile ... I saw the stunned faces memekkan. In the ultra surprised that suddenly the father-in-law of speech, "Any fabric you jun?" "ASTAGHFIRULLAHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!" June screaming in the heart .............. ..... That story heheheheee ..

18sx

==================================================

Qestion: Why is the “69″ position also called

the “smokers position?”

Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.

==================================================

Question: Why is sperm donation more expensive than blood donation?

Answer: Because it’s HANDMADE!!

==================================================

An old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife.

Young girl : “Ooh.. darling! 5 times?”

Old man : “No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?”

==================================================

Man 1 : “My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and says’1st gear, 2nd gear”

Man 2 : “My wife is worse! She puts my bird inside her and say ‘Full tank please’.”

==================================================

Question : What is the closest thing that is similar to a woman’s period?

Answer : Your salary; it comes once a month, lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn’t come, it means you are in big trouble!

==================================================

Question : What is the smallest hotel in the world?

Answer : It’s Vagina Inn because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant who must leave his 2 baggages outside!

==================================================

2 prostitutes were in a taxi, on their way home after “work”.

Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!

Bitch 2 : Sorry, I burped!

==================================================

Kentut

Selamat membaca... hehehehee

Analisis kimia ttg kentut .....Jangan cuma tahu baunya saja, tapi harus
tahu juga proses ilmiahnya.

1. Dari mana asal kentut?

Dari gas dalam usus. Gas dalam usus berasal dari udara yg kita telan, gas yang menerobos ke usus dari darah, gas dari reaksi kimia & gas dari bakteria dalam perut.

2. Apa komposisi kentut?

Bervariasi. Makin banyak udara anda telan, makin banyak kadar nitrogen dalam kentut (oksigen dari udara terabsorbsi oleh tubuh sebelum sampai di usus). Adanya bakteria serta reaksi kimia antara asam perut & cairan usus menghasilkan karbon dioksida. Bakteria juga menghasilkan metana & hidrogen.

Proporsi masing-masing gas tergantung apa yang anda makan, berapa banyak udara tertelan, jenis bakteria dalam usus, berapa lama kita menahan kentut.

Makin lama menahan kentut, makin besar proporsi nitrogen, karena gas-gas lain terabsorbsi oleh darah melalui dinding usus.

Orang yang makannya tergesa-gesa kadar oksigen dalam kentut lebih banyak karena tubuhnya tidak sempat mengabsorbsi oksigen.

3. Kenapa kentut berbau busuk?

Bau kentut karena kandungan hidrogen sulfida & merkaptan. Kedua senyawa ini mengandung sulfur (belerang). Makin banyak kandungan sulfur dalam makanan anda, makin banyak sulfida & merkaptan diproduksi oleh bakteria dalam perut, & makin busuklah kentut anda. Telur & daging punya peranan besar dalam memproduksi bau busuk kentut. Kacang berperan dalam memproduksi volume kentut, bukan dalam kebusukannya.

4. Kenapa kentut menimbulkan bunyi?

Kerana adanya vibrasi lubang anus saat kentut diproduksi. Kerasnya bunyi tergantung pada kecepatan gas.

5. Kenapa kentut yg busuk itu hangat & tidak bersuara?

Salah satu sumber kentut adalah bakteria. Fermentasi bakteria & proses pencernaan memproduksi panas, hasil sampingannya adalah gas busuk.Ukuran gelembung gas lebih kecil, hangat & jenuh dengan produk metabolismebakteria yg berbau busuk. Ini kemudian menjadi kentut, walau hanya kecil volumenya,tapi SBD (Silent But Deadly)

6. Berapa banyak kentut diproduksi sehari?

Rata-rata setengah liter sehari dalam 14 kali kentut.

7. Mengapa kentut keluar melalui lubang dubur?

Kerana density-nya lebih ringan, kenapa gas kentut tidak melakukan perjalanan ke atas?

Tidak demikian. Gerak peristaltik usus mendorong isinya ke arah bawah.

Tekanan di sekitar anus lebih rendah. Gerak peristaltik usus menjadikan ruang menjadi bertekanan, sehingga memaksa isi usus, termasuk gas-nya untuk bergerak ke kawasan yg bertekanan lebih rendah, iaitu sekitar anus. Dalam perjalanan kearah anus, gelembung-gelembung kecil bergabung jadi gelembung besar. Kalau tidak ada gerak peristaltik, gelembung gasakan menerobos ke atas lagi, tapi tidak terlalu jauh, karena bentuk usus yg rumit & berbelit-belit.

8. Berapa waktu yang diperlukan oleh kentut untuk melakukan perjalanan ke hidung orang lain?

Tergantung kondisi udara, seperti kelembapan, suhu, kecepatan & arah angin, berat molekul gas kentut, jarak antara 'transmitter' dengan'receiver'.

Begitu meninggalkan sumbernya, gas kentut menyebar & konsentrasinya berkurang.

Kalau kentut tidak dikesan dalam beberapa detik, berarti mengalami pengenceran di udara & hilang ditelan udara selama-lamanya. Kecuali kalau anda kentut di ruang sempit, seperti lift, kereta, konsentrasinya lebih banyak, sehingga baunya akan tinggal dalam waktu lama sampai akhirnya diserap dinding.

9. Apakah setiap orang kentut?

Sudah pasti, kalau masih hidup. Sesaat setelah meninggal pun orang masih boleh kentut.

10. Betulkah laki-laki kentut lebih sering daripada perempuan?

Tidak ada kaitannya dengan gender.. Kalau benar, berarti perempuan menahan kentutnya & apabila mereka kentut akan banyak sekali jumlah yg dikeluarkan.

11. Saat apa biasanya orang kentut?

Pagi hari di toilet. yang disebut "morning thunder".

Kalau berkeadaan sunyi,boleh kedengaran di seluruh penjuru rumah.

12. Mengapa memakan kacang menyebabkan banyak kentut?

Kacang mengandung zat gula yg tidak boleh dicerna tubuh. Gula tsb (raffinose, stachiose, verbascose) jika mencapai usus, bakteria di usus langsung berpesta & membuat banyak gas. Jagung, kubis, susu juga penyebab banyak kentut (bukan baunya!).

13. Selain makanan, apa saja penyebab kentut?

Udara yang tertelan, makan terburu-buru, makan tanpa dikunyah, minum soft drink, naik pesawat udara (karena tekanan udara lebih rendah, sehingga gas di dalam usus mengalami ekspansi & muncul sebagai kentut).

14. Apakah kentut sama dengan sedawa, tapi muncul dari lain lubang?

Tidak... sendawa muncul dari perut, komposisi kimianya lain dengan kentut. Sedawa mengandung udara lebih banyak, kentut mengandung gas yang diproduksi oleh bakteria lebih banyak.

15. Kemana perginya gas kentut kalau ditahan tidak dikeluarkan?

Bukan diabsorb darah, bukan hilang karena bocor.. Tapi berpindah ke bahagian atas menuju usus & pada gilirannya akan keluar juga.

Jadi bukan lenyap, tapi hanya mengalami penundaan.

1 6. Mungkinkah kentut terbakar?

Memang boleh. Kentut mengandung metana, hidrogen yg combustible (gas alam mengandung komponen ini juga). Kalau terbakar, nyala-nya berwarna biru karena kandungan unsur hidrogen.

17. Bolehkan menyalakan mancis dengan kentut?

Jangan mengada-ada... konsistensinya lain. Juga suhunya tidak cukup panas untuk memulai pembakaran.

18. Mengapa kentut anjing & kucing lebih busuk?

Karena anjing & kucing adalah karnivor (pemakan daging). Daging kaya akan protein. Protein mengandung banyak sulfur, jadi bau kentut binatang ini lebih busuk.

Lain dengan herbivor seperti kambing, kuda, gajah, yang memproduksi kentut lebih banyak, lebih lama, lebih keras bunyinya, tapi relatif tidak berbau.

19. Betulkah pening kepala kalau mencium bau kentut 2-3 kali berturut-turut?

Kentut mengandung sedikit oksigen, mungkin sedikit saja anda mengalami pening kepala kalau mencium bau kentut terlalu banyak.

20. Apakah warna kentut?

Tidak berwarna. Kalau warnanya kelihatan seperti gas nitrogen oksida, akan ketahuan siapa yang kentut.

21. Apakah kentut itu asid, bes atau neutral?

Asid, karena mengandung karbon dioksida (CO2) & hidrogen sulfida (H2S).

22. Apa yang terjadi kalau seseorang kentut di planet Venus?

Planet Venus sudah banyak mengandung sulfur (belerang) di lapisan udaranya, jadi kentut di sana pun tidak ada pengaruhnya

Pantun Melayu Versi Otromen

Pulau Hokkaido jauh ketengah
Gunung Fuji bercabang tiga
Hancur Raksaser di'fire' Ultraman
Ultraman yg baik dikenang jua

Dua tiga Raksaser berlari
Maner nak samer Raksaser Kero
Dua tiga Ultraman boleh kucari
Maner nak samer Ultraman Taro

Kalau roboh Kota Narita
Papan di Tokyo Ultraman dirikan
Kalau sungguh itu keje Raksaser
Badan dan kepaler dier Ultraman 'fire'kan

Kajang Pak Malau kajang berlipat
Kajang hamba mengkuang layu
Kalau Ultraman Ace tak cukup kuat
Ultraman Taro datang membantu

Buai laju-laju
Sampai Pokok Sena
Apa dalam baju?
Ader lampu nyaler

Mengata dulang paku serpih
Boleh fire terus lawan pulak lebih-lebih

Sudah geharu cendana pula
Sudah kalah di'fire' pula

Orang berbudi kiter berbahaser
'Fire' diberi pada raksaser

Histeria......mengapa hanya gadis melayu di rasuk?

Kes ini berlaku betul diruang pelajar perempuan membasuh kain. Berlaku diasrama puteri. Kebanyakan yang terkena rasukan adlah gadis melayu dan tidak pernah ada kes berlaku pada pelajar kaum cina danindia . Di mana salah nya........Kita ikuti percakapan antara bomoh melayu dan syaitan.

kes histeria disekolah kat BSB......

Misteri di Asrama Puteri terjawap!

Suatu hari, ada seorang ketua bomoh yang begitu berani hendak
berjumpa dengan sekumpulan jin yang berlegar2 di asrama hinggakan mereka merasuk sebilangan pelajar di sekolah itu.

Ketika sampai di sebuah bilik, ketua bomoh pun membaca sejenis mantera. Selepas membaca mantera, ketua bomoh pun memanggil ketua jin itu. Lalu ketua jin itu pun datang.

Dengan menunjukkan wajah rupanya yang begitu hodoh dan jijik.
Hinggakan ketua bomoh yang begitu berpengalaman itu pun hampir2 pengsan dibuatnya! Hinggakan mayat reput pun lebih baik dari wajah si ketua jin itu!!!

Tapi si ketua bomoh tetap kuatkan semangatnya yang jitu. Lalu si
ketua bomoh pun bertanya dengan kuat dan nyaring, menampakkan semangatnya yang tidak kendur walaupun terlihat sesuatu yang begitu menakutkan itu.

"Mengapa kau rasuk pelajar sekolah di sini hah? Jawap!!!"
Kenapa gadis melayu jadi sasaran kau wahai syaitan yang direjam"

Dengan menarik nafas panjang, si ketua jin pun menjawab...

""Siapa Bilang Gadis Melayu Tak Menawan
Tak Menarik Hati, Tiada Memikat"
"Kalaulah Memang, Tak Mungkin Aku Tertarik
Kalaulah Sungguh, Tak Mungkin Aku MERASUK...""

""Aduhai... kekekeekeeee...""

Subject: Akibat suka Mengungkit

Amir tampak kebingungan, sambil memecut laju BM7 series nya dia pun tiba di perkarangan rumahnya. Rumahtangganya sedang bergolak. Isterinya mahu meninggalkanya melupakan mahligai indah yg mereka bina sekian lamanya.

Amir : Safirah...ko nak kemana ni? Jgn ko nak derhaka dgn suami, Tempik si amir

Safirah : Saya nak meninggalkan abg! Tak tahan saya dgn perangai abg yg terlalu Materialistik!!

Amir : Abih Beg-Beg tu...Yg ko pakai tu...Crocodile, Samsonite tu semua aku beli hasil titik peluh aku tau....!!

Safirah : Tapi....

Amir : Tak da tapi-tapi....Kau nak tinggalkan aku... jgn bawak beg beg kepunyaan aku ini.. Pegilah ko selai spinggang!!

Safirah : Abg ni Kejam....Tak mengenang budi..sell....

Amir mencelah...

Amir : Oh tak mengenang budi...!!! Hoi Safirah, cuba ko ingat balik masa ko eksiden dulu....ni hah darah yg mengalir kat dalam tubuh aku ni hah yg jadik.. .... penyelamat dikala nyawa kau tenat...Skarang kau nak tuduh aku tak mengenang budi!!

Safirah : Abih nak saya bayar balik hutang darah abg lah ni...??

Amir : Kalau itu hakikatnya!!....... Kau tak payah nak tunjuk keras... ko tak da apa... harta, bende... nak bayar balik semua yg aku berikan pada kau selama ini...

Air mata Safirah mengalir laju... membasahi pipinye yg berjerawat itu!! Safirah tak berfikir panjang setelah didera secara batiniah. Dia pun mula membuka segala pakain yg sedang dipakainya...

Safirah : Baik !!!!! Saya akan Keluar dari rumah ni tanpa seurat benang...(Sambil membuka Baju Kurungnya)..Nah (sambil Mencapak ke arah

Amir) amik balik Baju Kurung Den Wahab yg awak belikan Raya dulu!!!!
Amir tersentak !!! Safirah cuma tinggal bercoli dan sluar dalam saja......
Jiran tetangga mula mengambil perhatian..

Safirah :Nah !! (sambil Mengambil sesuatu dari dalam Seluar dalamnya)
Ambik Ni !!!!!!!

Si Safirah mencampakkan Tuala Wanitanya yg dipenuhi darah itu!! kpd Amir...

Amir : Eii..iiii..Apa ni ..Peng...

Belum Sempat amir mengahabiskan ayatnya....

Safirah : TU!!! BAYAR BALIK HUTANG DARAH AWAK, SAYA BAYAR SECARA INSTALLMENT

pengantin baru2

1 mlm, 2 org budak nakal tlh menghendap sepasang pengantin baru;

isteri; bang, cepatlah buka.. i dah x sabar ni..

suami; yelah, yelah.. nak buka lah ni..

isteri; hati2 ye bang...

suami; napa nak hati2? ayang kan dah x sabar..

isteri: yelah, takut terkoyak kang.. rugilah kiter...

suami:nah.. dah kuar dah..

isteri; sikit lg bang.. ya berjaya..

tanpa membuang masa lg, 2 org budak nakal td trus memanjat tingkap bilik pengantin itu utk melihat tayangan panas... rupa2nya pasangan tersebut sdg membuka bungkusan hadiah ...

Jest Practices: Best Practices for Humor in the Workplace

by: Craig Harrison

Most agree that humor in the workplace can have beneficial effects. Yet not all humor is good humor. The challenge: how to interject appropriate humor and fun into our serious jobs without hurting others or seriously undermining the company. When used appropriately, humor can work for you.

Humor that Uploads Also Uplifts

Humor has the power to make people feel special. When you include people in fun it simultaneously improves morale, reduces stress and facilitates team building. With the prevalence of telecommuting and workgroups scattered geographically, the challenge of furthering working relationships, bonding and building camaraderie is real. At one San Francisco Bay Area company a workgroup staged an elaborate Remote Baby Shower. The expectant mother, who was out-of-state, called in for a pre-arranged conference call with her workgroup. When she did...surprise! Everyone was having a party in her honor. They uploaded digital photos of a decorated conference room and each other, and e-mailed sound files with well wishes. Everyone shared in the good cheer. This creative use of technology brought employees closer to each other, figuratively if not literally.

Humor That Brings People Together

Workplaces are full of opportunities to use humor for the benefit of all. Milestones are a natural place to employ humor. Dress like the recipient as a tribute during a surprise birthday party. Other celebrations to mark anniversaries, project completions or similar accomplishments are perfect opportunities to utilize humor. Even surviving certain projects is cause for celebration and fun.

Holidays are another natural time to employ humor. Halloween is a time for contests to see who can best decorate conference rooms; for other companies the anniversary of their founding is cause for celebration. Silly speeches, skits and spoofs abound.

And the Award Goes To...

Staging award ceremonies is a great way to have fun, recognize each other and revel in the shared work experience. Whether the categories mimic those found at the Oscars, Emmys or Tonys, or are derivative, esprit de corps rises when the team laughs at itself and each other. Best Supporting Actor, Best Impersonation of an Inanimate Object, Best Special Effects, Most Likely to Secede, or Lifetime Achievement Award.

Humor Is The Winning Ticket

Pranks can alternately be uplifting or uprooting. A desktop publisher, on April Fools Day, adorned his co-workers cars' windshields with mock yellow parking tickets, complete with envelopes for remittance. Upon closer inspection, these true-to-life replicas of tickets had whimsical offenses of significance to the recipients. The departmental joker's ticket cited him for "excessive use of farce" and the hard charging corporate counsel's infraction charged him with a "Failure to Yield." Of course the initiator of the gag was later cited for impersonating an officer. Everyone laughed at the spoof once they realized it was a joke. Judge Judy's signature at the bottom of the ticket gave it away.

Pole Position

A fast growing company didn't have enough office space for full cubicles for its new hires. One unfortunate hire's assigned cubicle had a giant pole in its midst. To her credit she never complained. Co-workers felt for her. One night they hit the streets, collecting various fliers from telephone poles in their neighborhoods. The next day when the new hire reached her cubicle, the offending pole was now covered with notices about missing pets, renters seeking apartments, cheap movers for hire and even local GRE study groups. Not only did the employee know her co-workers felt her frustration, it bonded them as well as they pulled together to help one of their own.

One Person's Humor is Another Person's Horror

When targeting humor consider targeting yourself. Everyone has a different idea of what's funny and what's not. Many a well intentioned prank or joke has backfired. One co-worker sent another a prank letter impersonating a local media figure. The recipient mistook it for real, interpreted it as harassment and called the FBI. Oops!

The Benefits of Self-Effacing Humor

When we make fun of ourselves it actually demonstrates our healthy outlook, showing we don't take ourselves so seriously. As a result, we're regarded as more approachable and down to earth. Don't make fun of yourself excessively. Such humor loses its effectiveness with overuse.

Everyone from politicians to CEOs to Southwest Airlines flight attendants use self-deprecating humor - humor that makes fun of themselves - to get people laughing at, and consequently with them. You can too.

While gallows humor may feel appropriate during layoffs and cutbacks, strive to employ humor that uplifts and taps universal themes for best results. Here's to laughter!


About The Author
Since the age of eleven when he went door-to-door selling Used Jokes, Craig Harrison has been connecting with customers through humor. As a professional speaker and corporate trainer Craig Harrison's Expressions of Excellence provides sales and service solutions through speaking. Contact him at (888) 450-0664, through his website http://www.ExpressionsofExcellence.com or via e-mail: humor@craigspeaks.com.

Lawak antarabangsa

Lawak1

Satu pagi di stesen ketapi, ada satu makcik tu dia tanya petugas kaunter...

Makcik : Anak, keretapi sampai jam berapa??
Petugas kaunter: Jam 2 Kedah, jam 5 Kelantan, jam 1 Penang, jam 7 Gemas.
Makcik nak pergi mana??
Makcik : Makcik nak melintas aja.

Lawak 2
Bangla dan rakannya sedang berbual
Bangla : Esok saya nak balik bangladesh, isteri saya mengandung 3 bulan.
Rakan : Wah mesti awak gembira
Bangla : Sudah tentu, sudah 3 tahun saya tak balik!
Rakan : ?????

Lawak 3
Di sekolah tabika.
Cikgu : Amri, awak ada berapa beradik?
Amri : Tiga, cikgu
Cikgu : Awak yg paling tua?
Amri : Tak. Atuk saya....

Lawak 5
Sorang nurse di hospital sakit jiwa nampak sorang pesakit sedang tulis
surat.
Nurse : Ko tulis surat kt sapa?
Gila : Aku tulis surat untuk diri aku sendiri"
Nurse : Jadi.. apa yang ko tulis?
Gila : Mana aku tau? Esok pagi bila posmen hantar, baru la aku boleh baca.

Lawak 6
Ada seorang pemuda ke kedai mamak dia hanya ada 70 sen semasa itu.
Pemuda : Mamak berapa harga teh panas deengan sejuk?
Mamak : Panas 70 sen sejuk RM1.20.
Pemuda :! Bagi teh panas 1.
Sampai je teh tersebut pemuda itu terus minum.
Mamak : Kenapa awak minum cepat sangat?
Pemuda : Kalau saya tunggu lama2 nanti sejuk tak fasal2 saya kena bayar RM1.20.

Advice to King Dave of the Isle of Man

To HM King David of the Isle of Mann (or Man), cousin to Queen Elizabeth II, come forth, I, your Not-So-Humble Servant to render such Wisdom as I can…

For about ten minutes today, David Howe, a 38 year old businessman from Maryland commanded the front page on FoxNews.Com with the story of his Coronation. In 2006 some Brit genealogist called to tell him that he might have a claim to the throne of the Isle of Mann (or Man). So, he filled out the right forms and sent them to Her Majesty's Stationary Office which after a 90 day review period approved his Royal application. Apparently they sent him a crown, a royal robe and a spoon. Some Kings get swords, others get scepters, but David gets a spoon.

My favorite part of the story is the reaction from the people of the Isle of Man, which I think can best be summed up as: "Who?" The elected government of the Isle of Man is probably still laughing themselves senseless. They are so disrespectful of their new King that the official government website has no mention of his coronation. Well King David, it looks like you'll need to stage an invasion to enforce Your Royal Rights. I recommend you look into some the old laws on how to execute traitors. That's how you get medieval on their butts.

The best part about this story is that HM (that's His Majesty, to you) King David has a lovely website. On his home page under an enormous picture of him, he details his efforts to provide aide for the poor AIDS afflicted children of Insert African Nation Here. Even Americans know you cannot be a Royal unless you have some charity to support. Especially useful are those charities that show you pictures of starving children. Those work best of all. Good choice there, Your Majesty. You hit that nail right on the head.

But if you do a little digging into the Royal website you find his Royal Pedigree. You know, like they do with dogs. Not only does he include his family tree proving his Royal Title, but he also proves that he is a cousin to the Royal Family of Great Britain. Wow, he's cousins with the Queen! Let's get something straight; I'm no genealogist but it seems to me when you cast such an enormous net (like the Cousin's Net), you are probably also related to Cher, Bill Clinton and Dick Cheney. I recommend that you lose the whole Cousins thing. Let's agree that you are only allowed to be a Royal Cousin if they invite you over for tea.

Also, if you take the time to look at his Pedigree you may notice that he has achieved his gentle rank through marriage. Now, that is perfectly legitimate. But, does that mean he's Royal by insertion? If so, then good job King David! I always heard you were supposed to pull your Sword out of the stone. It just goes to show that you cannot trust legends. But it might damage your macho image, so I would dump that webpage too.

Now, there's the matter of Royal Revenue. Until you conquer your island you can't collect taxes. But I have solved that for you! Just sell Knighthoods! There are tons of obnoxious idiots who would pay dearly for a title. I would add a web store and sell them that way. Between the money you can make from titles and the cash that will come in from your charity, you should have a pretty nice war chest.

To invade, you will need an army. And let's face it, no regular mercenary army will do. You need to show your subjects that you mean business and will not tolerate anything but total loyalty. For that mission, I can only recommend Blackwater. It might take up some of the money for the African kids, but you can always pay them back later.

Anyway, I hope you look charitably on Your Servant for his Words of Wisdom and that Your Majesty remembers to send me money when you use any of these ideas.


Sources:

FoxNews Story - http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317490,00.html

King David's Website - http://www.royaltyofman.com/

King David's Pedigree - http://hmkingdavid.homestead.com/pedigree.html

Isle of Man Government News - http://www.gov.im/allnews.gov